Overcoming an abusive relationship is not an easy task. It takes courage, self-love and time to mend the emotional wounds. For me, moving on has been tremendously easier due to my present boyfriend whose kindness and respect restored my faith in love. I am going to highlight eight fundamental areas which prove how much my boyfriend is considerably superior compared to my abusive ex.

1. Emotional Support

From the onset, the stark contrast is evident in the emotional support my boyfriend provides, unlike my ex. It's common knowledge that any healthy relationship appreciates feelings, provides comfort and understands mutual vulnerabilities. However, that was not the case with my ex, where feelings were dismissed and used against me. My boyfriend, on the other hand, has always been my anchor, reciprocates my feelings and is never afraid to show vulnerability.

Whenever I encounter bad days or an episode triggered by my past, my boyfriend is always there for me, being a patient listener and a comforting ally. On the contrary, my ex was the source of my anguish and the cause of those dark times.

2. Respect

In my new relationship, one thing that stands out is the profound respect my boyfriend shows me. This respect emanates in how he treats me, acknowledges my dreams, respects my boundaries, and supports my decisions. My ex, however, constantly belittled me, made me feel worthless and disregarded my needs and decisions.

My boyfriend's respect for me is reflected in how he treats the people around him. He respects their thoughts, ideas, and feelings; a stark contrast to my ex who never missed a chance to disrespect anyone around him.

3. Consistency

Unlike my ex's unpredictable behaviors and fluctuations in mood, my present boyfriend epitomizes consistency. He gives me the assurance that love isn't about uncertainty or walking on eggshells. My ex's inconsistency created an emotional roller coaster that led to mental exhaustion. On the contrary, my boyfriend is calm, consistent and always ready to navigate our relationship through its highs and lows.

With consistency comes trust. I trust my boyfriend because his actions match his words. This was never the case with my ex, whose empty promises and inconsistencies eroded any possibility of trust.

4. Empathy

Emotional coldness was characteristic of my ex. He was often indifferent to my feelings and needs. My boyfriend, however, possesses a high emotional quotient, always empathizing with my feelings, understanding my perspectives, and being sensitive to my needs.

The empathy exhibited by my boyfriend doesn't stop with me. He shows compassion and understanding to everyone around him, be it friends, family, or strangers, unlike my ex who was often dismissive.

5. Patience

Patience is a virtue that I value immensely in my boyfriend. Unlike my ex who had a short fuse, my current boyfriend has patience in abundance, which has helped us to effectively handle disagreements. He doesn't rush to conclusions or react impulsively, instead takes the time to understand and address the situation head-on.

This patience is reflected in different situations, be it waiting for me when I’m running late or dealing with setbacks. This is a contrast to my ex who was impatient and often flew off the handle on the slightest provocation.

Commonly Asked Questions

Q1: How to cope after leaving an abusive relationship?
A1: Seek professional help such as therapy or counseling, connect with a support group, focus on self-care, and spend time with loved ones.

Q2: How to recognize a healthy relationship after an abusive one?
A2: A healthy relationship has mutual respect, honesty, good communication, trust, equality, and independence.

Q3: How long does it take to heal after an abusive relationship?
A3: The healing process is different for everyone. It could take anywhere from several months to years. It's important to take one day at a time and seek professional help if needed.

References

1. Carney, M., & Barner, J. (2012). Prevalence of Partner Abuse: Rates of Emotional Abuse and Control. Partner Abuse, 3(3), 286-335.
2. GoodTherapy. (2018, February 26). Life After Abuse: Helpful Books to Read in Recovery. Retrieved from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/life-after-abuse-helpful-books-to-read-in-recovery-0226187

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